*CHEATING SPOUSE * SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE PARTNER
*WHY AN ATTORNEY SHOULD USE A P.I.
Cheating Spouse
By C.R. "Bob" Brown
The following is a guide to help you determine if your mate is cheating on you. After reading this list you may find there is some area of concern. Do not confront the cheater. This will only cause them to clean up their act and make it more difficult for you to catch them. You may not have enough proof to make your case. I would urge you to seek professional help.
* At the beginning of an affair the mate that is cheating is more attentive to his spouse. This is due to guilt that the cheater may be feeling at the time.
* After the affair has been going on for a while the person cheating seems to find fault with the person he/she may be living with to try to justify the affair in their mind.
* Cheating spouses may lose attention in the activities in the home. They don't show interest in the livelihood of you or the children that live in the home. Nor do they have any desires to do any fix-ups to the home (i.e. lawn care, house repairs, etc.....)
* Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem "when in doubt check them out".
* Cheaters may have a change in sex life (i.e. more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.
* The cheater has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home, especially the mate (i.e. if he/she didn't act the way they do, well then maybe I wouldn't be doing the things I do).
* Another sign is "Finances". "If someone wants to play they have to pay" therefore keeping an eye on their monies (i.e. check stubs, bank account balances, credit card bills, etc...) would tell you whether their spending more money than usual.
* Grooming habits will change. Cheaters will be more attentive to their person (e.i. the way they dress, frequent bathing, physical fitness, grooming of their hair, switching of colognes, etc...).
* Physical signs to look for to determine whether or not someone is having an affair is lipstick on the collar, odors of cologne/perfume on a shirt/blouse, checking underwear for secretion stains. You can also check their wallets and/or the glove compartments of their car to see if they left receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, addresses, condoms, etc.
* You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime.
* Be tuned in to home telephone calls when your mate has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang up.
* Many cheaters use cellular telephones to communicate with their lovers. Should your mate have a cellular telephone you may want to get a detailed billing of the calls made from the cellular phone to determine whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home.
* Female cheaters are more discreet in the selection of a lover . This is most likely because of their concern of Sexually Transmitted Disease's (STD's). Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a "one night stand". In past years men were the aggressors, in society today, with the increase of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive.
* When a female is having an affair she tends to have more of a "glow" about her.
SIGNS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE
* Post office box you were unaware of
* toilet seat up when no males were known to be home
* placement of where the car is parked if not in the normal path
* hang up calls, more wrong #’s than usual
* unusual fragrance or cologne attached to clothing
* automobile mileage more or less than usual
* unaccounted hair on clothing
* cigarette smoke on clothing that can’t be explained
* paper trails, example credit card activity
* credit purchases not received
* cell phone activity
* unjustified jewelry or florist bills
* unexplained travel or business expenses
* unexplained activity on tax form
* ATM withdrawals outside the normal patterns – trail the locations – each have a time date
* behavioral changes, such as exercise now but did not discuss it with you
* new pager or cell number not revealed to you
* change of clothing style
* difference in sexual appetite – different types of requests, they have a new ‘skill’
THIS ARTICLE IS PROVIDED FROM DEAR ABBY
DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed a letter from a woman who is in prison for killing her live-in abuser, with the promise that today I would print the warning signs of a potential abuser. The following signs of an abusive partner have been adapted with permission from the PROJECT FOR VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE:
SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE PARTNER
1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone". An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone", checks the mileage on your car.
3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble". The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.
7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry" or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you".
8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustices of things that are just a part of life.
9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper), or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape sex exciting.
11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
12) RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you" and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it".
IF THE ABUSE HAS GONE THIS FAR, IT'S TIME TO GET OUT!
DOMESTIC HOTLINE: 1(800) 799-7233
Why An Attorney Should Use A PI
The key to any profitable business is in knowing how to get the job done well for the lowest possible cost to the client, which also often means to delegate work to the person who will complete the job expediently, thoroughly and accurately.
HERE ARE JUST A FEW REASONS AS TO WHY ATTORNEYS SHOULD LEAVE THE INVESTIGATIONS TO PI’S, THE PROFESSIONAL INVESTIGATORS:
* First and foremost, it’s just not cost effective for attorneys to do their own investigations. Why? Because PI’s are much cheaper than attorneys are and by handing over the investigation to PI’s, attorney’s are able to devote more time to earning a larger fee by doing what they do best – represent clients.
* Attorneys often hire on Expert Witnesses assuming them to be as credible as their resume portrays them. Ever had a complete background check done on one? You may be surprised at ‘other’ activity they participate in that will make or break their credibility for your case.
* In comparison, an Attorney’s knowledge of investigative sources and resources are limited. PI’s have many contacts and sources unbeknownst to attorneys.
* Paralegal staff often lack time to execute proper investigations, and if given the opportunity, can usually serve the attorney better by utilizing their time in researching legalities. It is well known that most legal secretaries and paralegal staff, simply do not have enough time to conduct a thorough investigation in addition to getting all the typing, briefing and case preparation work done properly.
* Attorney’s must divulge which side they represent, no so a PI. Attorneys may also jeopardize their case when questioning a witness. Attorneys many cases might have to go to the rough side of town to see a witness at 10:30 at night to interview him. An important feature, especially in such cases, is that a seasoned PI can blend like a chameleon in the surroundings, while most attorneys cannot or will not be able to become inconspicuous.
* Another reason to utilize a professional investigator, is because a seasoned PI knows how outdated information can be with certain databases and knows exactly how to ‘skip’ or ‘gumshoe it’ as one might say, to get the exact and accurate information that an attorney needs for his/her case.
Not having correct or enough information about a case can mean all the difference for you and your clients…... So, When You Need To Know…….Call Us We Can Help.
(936) 647-0258. Looking forward to your phone call.
